Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Scream Tuesday: It's a rant

*Warning: This is a rant post*

What a start to Tuesday! It's been one heck of a day and we've only just hit noon. 

Of course, I'm somewhat of a secretive person so I won't divulge too many details, but just enough for me to feel like I've had my scream session and I feel better. 6 things messing with my mojo today. (I figure 6 is the devils number, so I'll limit myself to that)

  1. Woke up with the most horrible anxiety this morning. My tummy in knots followed by involuntary jaw clenching that has not subsided even though I tried to persuade with chewy sweets. Niks, fokol, nada. Can't even enjoy my morning chai latte. 
  2. In an attempt to send an ex (who is supposed to be a friend) a blackberry message, I realise he has removed me from his friends list. Ohkay, maybe he forgot his BB password and his contacts were deleted, I tell myself. Plan b - to send him a facebook message. Oh my hat, what is this 'Add as Friend' box I see on his profile? What on earth does this mean? I catch my breathe and onto plan C - twitter, thanks to ubertwitter, I quickly confirm my biggest fear. In not so big letters at the bottom of the page ' xxxx is not following you'. The travesty. I get that he is my ex, but uhm, we've been friends longer than we were even together! We've cried, we've laughed, we've fought, we've loved, we've hated, we've pulled each other through the most incredible hangovers, some moments of depression and been cheerleaders for each other, we've hidden from the rest of the world together, we've managed our differences of opinion, we've imparted the knowledge to each other of our different paths and we've had a fun ride. Now this? I cannot understand, I can't even begin to fathom the reason he would do such a thing. But here's the worst part - why am I so bothered? Well, duh, brightspark - I care about him and our friendship and I'm not in the slightest way afraid to admit that. Clearly though, I don't mean the same to him. Plan D comes in and I call him to give him the opportunity to explain this horrid mistake, this technical glitch that could not be his doing, this interweb and blackberry error that is not his fault. Of all the excuses I'd played out in my head, this one I did not expect! "It's not just you I'm removing." Huh? Dumbfounded me laps it up and listens for 20 minutes,(20 mins MTN will be glad to charge me for) how he's on a mission to be social network free. Really? Seriously? Within 5 minutes of the call being ended he's changed his facebook profile picture, updated his status twice, tweeted, and followed 3 new people on twitter. Ohkay then. I guess that's the end of that friendship. Would have preferred - ' I don't want to be your friend'
  3. I've spent 2 hours of my precious time focusing on Number 2 on this list. Could I pretend just for a few hours that I indeed have a life and more important things to pursue - LIKE A JOB!
  4. Yep, I'm jobless. Recently completed my 3 month internship with O magazine; it was a great journey and I've walked away with so many fashion and life lessons I truly am proud of myself for taking the leap of faith. I promise to dedicate a post on 'Life as an intern' soon. For now though, I'm broke, I'm bored and I have no freaking idea what to do. 
  5. I've sent my C.V. (why is a C.V. still relevant?) and I've made the follow up (read: stalker) phone calls and to no avail. I know I'm not pathetic, but it is the fact that I'm trying to get into completely different industries to what I studied or have experience in. I really really don't want to go back to advertising, but my bank balance is thirsty. I promised myself I wouldn't do anything just for the money, but it seems that I will have to earn my salary from what I'm good at and was once passionate about. Maybe the love will come back. Either way, I put myself here, I will get myself out. 
  6. I may need to move back to my daddy's house in Joburg if this current situation doesn't change. 


  1. My 2 cents worth: (by Odwa Noah)

    1). All due to jobless anxiety

    2). Your 'FRIEND" may have a lucid explanation for their actions, BUT I figure you shouldn't count on it.
    Find a "PLAN B" A.S.A.P. and get on with more important things.

    3). Introspection is good. So IMHO that's 2 hours well spent. More people should learn the skill (even if, LIKE YOU, they don't know they're doing it).

    4). I know this boat called "Leap of Faith" very well, as I am also sailing in it as well. SOMETHING WILL pop up, especially when you least expect it. (IF you're any good at what you do - which you seem to be).

    5). YES! CV's are still relevant! That follow up call is a good thing as it shows you WANT/NEED that post you applied for and enthusiasm never hurt in the job market. BUT at the same time, DON'T forget to explore all the other avenues that tickle your fancy at the momen, purely BECAUSE YOU CAN! Qha Ke!

    6). Do what you NEED to do, to be able to what you WANT to do...

    I rest.

  2. You have the right to scream, so do it!
    And then calm down and come up with an action plan. Being jobless is the worst mood stabiliser.

  3. Yasser: Pondering I see....

    Odwa: thank you. I love and agree with the responses. some are even options I hadn't considered.

    Twanji: Action plan Z is coming up... let's hope for the best

    Thanks for taking the time to comment guys. Much appreciated.



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