Woke before sunrise to have my breakfast before the sun said hello... and for the first time in a long time I felt peaceful. I stayed outside on the balcony watching as tentative rays of light raced to crash against Table Mountain, and so I watched, and watched and allowed myself to be still and be.
I had a to do list as long as my arm, boxes that needed to be ticked and miracles had to be begged out of their hiding place, but I just sat there quietly and let the world of morning wash over me. This day began unlike any other - I was still and I flowed to a beat not manufactured by fear.
Instead of rushing back into the warmth of the bed to catch another half hour of snooze, I instead went through the motions of being lead by an unknown force. I put away my problem solving woman persona and rather let her snooze away - I just let the day happen and I didn't fight against it.
For the first time in a long time I didn't let the knot of anxiety in my tummy paralyse and depress me. With no real plan, and just reactions to a bad situation I breathed as if I actually believed everything would be okay. Oh and heavens did this day happen.
Got a call from a large creative agency for an interview for a job later this week, received an email from someone complimenting my blog, spent a great hour or so with the O fashion team chatting, laughing, sharing and planning, wandered the streets running into people I hadn't caught up with in a while, brainstormed an incredible arts and crafts development project with some awesome people, enjoyed a home cooked dinner with my boys, and finally hung out with two beautiful and quirky women discussing the day, life, dreams and craziness. Along of things happened today that point in the right direction, all too much to detail now, but what I do know for sure is that all will be fine. I ticked off all the tasks, even added a few items as the hours passed, completed them and achieved more than I imagined I would, just by being present in my own life.
I breath a little easier tonight. Tomorrow I plan to give more to the day and let myself live, be alive and trust in the core of my being that even though choices need to made, not all decisions are mine to make, and the most important thing is to work with what I've got, show gratitude and do my very best to realise my dreams.
One day at a time.
I am peaceful.
The road is still long, but I am equipped.
"We should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid. So are regrets."
— Marilyn Monroe